Presumption of the Self, Forgetfulness of What Is, Unknown in What Will Be

I have realized these past months were not all null and void, in terms of personal development. It seems that work has burned a mark on me, and my outlook has been changed, as well as my manners in how I interact with this world. And the decisions that come with it, of course, have changed as well. When one does not allow himself to partake in serious personal relationships, and keep everything at a shallow platonic level, none can pierce a growing skin and forging heart of stone. Of something that was, namely intimacy and vulnerability, shown to the world, even the self now forbids itself to be vulnerable. Strength becomes priority, endurance of living becomes a pursuit, and philosophies become engrained, their roots straightened, and our own frameworks become vibrant with new, stronger materials. As it seems that things are working fine enough today, in the middle of change and decaying states, I still stand tall and still I become stronger and more resilient week after week. It seems that the next big goal will be complete immunity to weakness. A hard, very hard goal to reach, but I have been making steadily decreases in these moments. But what is weakness? On a base level, weakness is the lack of physical and mental fortitude. Where muscles are frail, and the brain is prone to emotional outbursts. That is the first thing where I am 99% certain to have crushed (except 1% where perhaps something will happen that will make me break down? Hasn’t happened in years. Very unlikely to happen as I keep others at a distance). On a more nuanced level, weakness is addiction. Addiction here is always going to be used as a negative. Positive things that keep being repeated day after day with no bad effect on health, or even good, would instead be called rituals. Such as: working out, or drinking tea. There is also giving in to desires. Essential desires must be fulfilled, and can only be good for the body (sleeping, eating, drinking). Primal desires can get in the way of living well, but may also need to be satisfied once in a blue moon to go back to more acceptable levels of well-being (sexual release, entertainment, etc.). This is one where I have trouble with. And, as well, I also enjoy eating candy a lot, though my consumption has lowered, it still can be high at times. Not all the time, however, as it seems my body has a good way of telling me to stop... The brain is a bit late to adapt, and I do allow myself to give in to its demands sometimes, but again, resisting to these demands has slowly but steadily been increasing, until these desires are forgotten. Therein lies as well the desire to move out to harsher places, to work a harsher job. To quell desires, and to justify times of relaxation to a great extent. Where they feel rewarding, and in themselves would be desires created due to the fact that the lifestyle becomes dependant on going through additional hardships. Obviously, these would have nothing compared to people living hard lives by many factors (place, disease, surroundings, culture...). This need and desire would potentially quell any more minor desires I had and have, such as the consumption of sugar. In a way, it could be said that this would crush vices. Now obviously, I’ll always have a soft spot for candies, but the occasional licorice roll would not hurt. Alcohol however, is one thing I barred from my life. Hard drugs are not welcomed anymore. There will be no judging of people enjoying it every now and then, but I will not be part of any crowd concerning this. Hard drugs are prohibited, for they would blur visions of reality, and distort what is. I do not believe “special places” can be found by consuming certain drugs, such as DMT. If anything I’d believe it only activates a part of the brain that goes way back, that might have something to do with dreaming, where there would be a collective subconscious that predates us many thousands of years. Where when we originated, we were few and shared very similar experiences across all cultures – as they were similar (is assumed). Therefore I would prefer to see and experience life with my eyes and not fall to hard drugs. I believe, then, that it is a form of weakness. One major issue that many would see in this way of seeing things, and these plans to become stronger in every way, would be the eventual decay of one’s humanity. While this has already started to happen, it certainly is becoming harder to relate to other people. But this is also another problem: While one would be keen on keeping their empathy so that they can connect to others more easily, the reliance on self-dependence increases instead. Indeed, the human can be with friends, without peers. To keep everything at a shallow level, to both give and take while never over-indulging in other people’s lives, is to stay safe from all ills that may stem from relationships, and society on a community/communal level. To be content with one’s own company is key to many things, but this goes beyond that. This is rejection of the human, and is close to misanthropy. And that is something else to talk about: the growing disdain for humanity. If one sees weakness as undesirable, as pitiful and to be removed, then what purpose is there in accepting humanity for what is stands for? For accepting communities and all who inhabits them? One then, if they want to keep living in any place today, should be willing to see societies, countries and communities, more as houses of charity, rather than whatever is preached as a tag-line, such as “equality” or “freedom” or “brotherhood”. Small communities are less likely to be plagued by undesirables, as they can have a fixed aim, implicitly or explicitly; while being lead by a great individual, or by a plutocracy of great individuals. Now obviously, things never last, and decay will set in some form or fashion at some point in the life of any of these systems. Small communities might be more at risk, less they instil a culture that would enable these systems to flourish until cracks appear slowly. When it comes to systems housing weaklings, then they ought to be tolerated if the system explicitly enables them to plague it. They can be scorned, but they should not be hurt either. Contempt against the weak is enough. They can become dangerous, but if things are kept to a relative level of amicability, the individual is safe. After all, sometimes strength can be found in weakness, and if this is what keeps anyone from dehumanizing someone, then perhaps it is worth it. Except morbidly obese... things, of course. These are gone. These shouldn’t exist. Then again, the natural progression to the rejection of one’s humanity also naturally bars the individual from enjoying many things the human created; or the company of other living beings. Ultimately, the acceptance of nothingness is to be found. As a way to call back on my previous writings, to become a Priest of Ruin, in a way. Except the priest will pray through his actions rather than through meaninglessness prayers. His life is devoted to strength, and ultimate strength ends up being found in the lack of emotions, in the lack of relationships, in the praise of the self and its physical and mental strength and fortitude: for one should want to live a healthy life, short or long. It seems that, a few years ago I wrote about reaching for divinity, and this present text sounds like, from memory, more of a new iteration on this. The rejection of humanity to reach for something greater; to be something greater: that is indeed to be divine in being. Where the individual radiates, but cannot be “touched”. The acceptance of loneliness, and the contentment of simplicity in living: to be devoted to the self, so that one can be devoted to others, for enough time to perhaps make them appreciate life a bit more. The sacrifice of the human, so that its blood can hydrate his next of kin, to be better, healthier, to be closer to being content. Simply, to give the push towards their own goals – were they are to be personal and to not bring suffering to others. But the true goal is not the betterment of others, for this is a side effect (depending on how often one’s interact with systems created by people, and with people themselves). The true goal is the acceptance of nothingness. To live with as little as one is comfortable with, ‘til it becomes comfortable enough to have essentials, and since we can experience more than other beings, it can’t hurt to have a sense of being human by throwing in a few little non-essential things... Such as tea. Tobacco of course will only hurt the one smoking it (or chewing it), if they don’t exist with people for the greatest amount of their time. One can pick its poison, as long as it’s not an addiction, and the risks have been accepted. It can be looked down upon, perhaps even should be looked down upon, but when one lives for himself away from others, and when they are with someone else, they do not take out their poison on others, then what is there to say? Vices are personal, and should be kept personal, as long as they improve the appreciation of life. So then I ask: Of all potential vices, sexual urges and hard drugs are amongst the most influential, and distort the view of life – and what brings peace to the soul. What do soft drugs have against them? (Not green) Tea, coffee, tobacco? They do not distort the mind in any way, and instead very gently give the brain and body a temporary push that affects them in small, non-hazardous ways. Obviously moderation will always be key, but again, addiction and overconsumption need to be kept in check. Experiencing weakness will not be the end of the individual (probably not, anyway), and sometimes it is needed to understand why not this and why that instead. To go back on “Tragedy as Growth” from April 2020, any experience, bad ones especially, are catalysts for growth. Tragedy is simply an extreme example, and a needed one as well. Ultimately, in all of what has been written here. Where does work stand here? If one wants to live within a system that uses work as primarily a source of tradable income, secondarily as a cultural weight to the individual, then it stands as, depending on the goals, an important or irrelevant thing. In a country with taxes abound, and a place to live being needed, and with the sad legal need for certain debaucheries of meta-systems like insurance, work can still be kept to a minimum. An individual can find his balance there and then. Food can be grown, water can be collected without paying a penny. Living outside of cities enables this to be a very viable and desirable option. As well, work, if done in a way that satisfies the self rather than the others, brings some form of fulfilment, which is needed in terms of personal development, short or long term. Let us not forget, finally, hygiene. How important hygiene is! We might be the only species that care about it, but let’s simply say that not being sick is very useful. So, to bring in small amounts of poison within the body, while also removing the big amounts so that no infection or disease can happen (or minimally happen), is very desirable.